"Everything I Think About Willis McKinstry Plummer" By Megan Boyle

“Everything I Think About Willis McKinstry Plummer” By Megan Boyle

I’ve seen Willis Plummer’s Facebook profile picture icon, which is also his Twitter icon, probably 20-30 times in my life. Maybe half of the times I’ve seen it I’ve thought “Is that Charles Manson?” or “Is that Walter Davis?” I clicked on his Facebook page a few minutes ago but the document I’m typing into is still in front of it.

Willis is the first person to respond to my tweet offer to write “everything I think about [your name].” Since he included his middle name in his email to me I thought maybe he misunderstood my tweet and thought I’d be writing about his name, unattached from him as a person, like the language aspects of “Willis McKinstry Plummer.” I said I was excited to write about Willis, feel like I barely know him in a way that could generate interesting content, because I won’t be worried about offending him. At the same time I don’t think I’ll think anything particularly negative about him.

Writing “Willis” a lot is having an unexpectedly funny effect on my brain. Willis. Seems really funny, like it would be the name of a dog with a big head in a movie. Feel like “Turner and Hooch” would’ve been a bigger commercial success if it had been called “Turner and Willis,” but also “Willis” would’ve “stolen the spotlight.” Also, “Willis Plummer” sounds like the name of an obese accountant who sits in a recliner after work until he goes to sleep. Just felt proud of Willis for seemingly avoiding this life path, like it would’ve been very easy for him to slip into the “Willis Plummer” obese accountant trap.

I’ve been aware of Willis Plummer peripherally for maybe a year, maybe less. Think he maybe commented on Thought Catalog articles of mine. The first time I became aware of him in a more “fleshed out” way was a few weeks ago, when I hung out with Buttercup McGillicuddy and smoked pot at his ex-girlfriend’s friend’s apartment. Buttercup and I walked around the College Park campus because I felt too stoned to drive. He told me he had been hanging out with Willis and “peterbd,” or maybe they just hung out once at the secondary AWP in Boston, I think. I remember seeing Willis’ name more frequently on Twitter in the weeks before I hung out with Buttercup. Have a vague idea that he’s friends with Elaine Sun, or maybe dated her. Think I asked Buttercup “So is Willis ‘peterbd’” 5-10 times before understanding he’s not. I feel afraid of peterbd.

Just remembered that I’ve seen pictures of Willis with Maggie Lee in New York. Think they were getting tattoos.

Willis primarily fits into this category in my brain: “People in Their 20’s Who Like Funny/Emotional Online Literature and Video Chatting/Gchatting and Are Starting to Hang out with Each Other in Real Life.” Some of these people seem more interested in emotional/confessional blog-like writing and some seem more interested in the hyper/funny flarf-like writing. Unsure of which “team” Willis is on. Feel like, since he’s friends with Buttercup, he’s more interested in emotional/confessional blog-like writing.

Buttercup sent me an email asking if I’d want to do some kind of filmed reading with he, Willis, and Jake Moore, I think, and I said I was interested. Buttercup said he’s been staying with Willis in New York. Felt surprised to learn this. Wonder what they do every day. Feel like they started hanging out all of the time but have now assumed a routine of doing things separately, sometimes in the same room. I’m not sure if Willis cooks food every day or mostly eats out. Seems like he was once a vegetarian or vegan but maybe only for a few months. He might also have some other kind of dietary restriction, like Crohn’s disease or something. For some reason I don’t think he does drugs or drinks heavily, though “every cell in my rational mind” tells me he does definitely do both of these things.

Willis and Buttercup made a .gif about wanting to be inside Steve Roggenbuck and Beach Sloth wrote about it. Remember reading the post, not understanding the animation sequence of their .gif, then “getting it” and thinking it was funny and the animation was original, but feeling overall confused about the tone of the thing Beach Sloth was writing, wondering if Willis and Buttercup like or dislike Steve Roggenbuck, and finally deciding they probably do.

Just read most of something called “moooooooooom” Willis, Buttercup, and Stacey Teague made. I liked it more than I thought I would, laughed audibly at the line “so tired I would fuck a camel for sleep” and “Am I Gay? (from 12-18)” in a part called something like “debilitating anxieties.” Unsure of which parts Willis wrote.

Willis’ Facebook profile says he goes to NYU. Looking at his Facebook right now. He asked if people were interested in subletting his “beautiful BK apartment” in one of his statuses. Seems like he has a “booming social life,” with friends who take Instagram pictures and type “WILLIS” on his wall. In a recent status update he said “sometimes life feels pretty okay.” There is a picture of Willis in a surfing suit. Felt threatened or something, by the suit. If I went surfing I would hope people were secretly photographing me and would post pictures of me later. Willis feels comfortable enough with himself and the idea of himself surfing to let his Facebook friends know he took a picture of himself after his “first surf in 2.5 years.” Gathering that Willis is socially aware and well-adjusted enough to have a group of friends who want to contact him frequently, and who embrace things like “Willis surfs,” or maybe just don’t think about the neurotic things I think regarding posting non-profile or non-photo-album pictures of myself. Feel like he receives 15+ text messages a day and responds to them with minimal anxiety.

Some people always look distinct but rarely in the same way in their pictures. Willis seems to be one of these people. Feel more attracted to him in his profile picture than other pictures. Keep looking at the surfing picture, his expression is funny, not sure if he’s intentionally making a face like “Don’t hate me bcuz I’m bootyful, hate me bcuz yo girlfriend thinks I am!!” There is a mirror behind him in the picture, showing what his back looked like when he took the picture. The mirror is a funny detail, seems unplanned that it was included. His other “Most Notable Picture” is the one where he’s staring at a giant mass of food and looking like he’s both aware of posing for a picture, but has posed for so many pictures in his life that he’s maybe not even thinking about what his pose needs to look like, he is maybe both hoping the “picture moment” is over but also, strangely, not looking forward to eating the mass of food.