Willis Plummer

beachsloth:

fuck im that one guy from that one tv show by Willis Plummer

               Willis Plummer has a style. That involves clipped sentences. Lately Willis has been popping out chapbooks all over the place. Chapbooks are pulled out of his brain like so much misused dental floss. It is amazing. I feel that Buttercup McGuillicuddy, who has been undergoing his own ‘alt lit transformation’, has been responsible for part of this inspiration. Buttercup has been chilling, some allege like a villain, at various Brooklyn locales. Perhaps it is the result of these interactions that have led to this chapbook, a tour de force of all that is good within the alt lit world. 

                A picture adorns this chapbook’s front cover. It is of ‘Jason Alexander’ the prototype for New York hipster. George has the outfits, the glasses, and a weird sense of humor that’s partly annoying yet still somewhat endearing. I relate to George. Many do. Maybe there’s a little George in all of us, thanks to that show’s explosion which left cultural fragments mired inside our brains. Either that or George has been inside each and every person on the planet. I’m going to go with the former. This chapbook however points to the latter.

                ‘Seinfeld’ dealt with New York in a very specific way. Most of it dealt with tiny concerns. They focused on the small, not larger. Larger forces were at work (ego, randomness, unfortunate circumstances, etc.) but they were downplayed for these tiny pieces of dialogue. Everybody was weird. Nobody was normal. Obsessions grew out of the smallest details.

                Like a box of condoms taken by a former lover. Willis writes about that in detail. It drove him to brooding. Bet Willis sat on his bed, thinking about all those condoms he could use, if he had them. He got a 30 pack. That’s a lot of condoms. Over $20 spent on condoms is expensive. You save money buying them in bulk but still, over $20 is basically my weekly food budget. Can’t believe he would simply give up all those delightful condoms. If you’re not getting any use the condoms to make balloon animals. It makes sense to me. Or sell them on eBay for some quick cash.

                However Willis wasn’t concerned about the money. He was concerned about other people using the condoms. Guess he didn’t want his hard-earned cash going towards others enjoyment. According to this he kept on imagining them using his hard, erect dollars. Anxiety took over him and he collapsed. Expect a short one act play about this particular concern. The entire play will take roughly ten to fifteen minutes. 

                In the end, who is to say what sort of character they resemble from Seinfeld. Some say Seinfeld. Others say George. Who can say? All I know is I’m glad Willis stood up for his box of condoms. We need more people like this hero for the prophylactic class.